Churches Beware of the Church Bullies

Our society has put a ‘full-court press’ on bullies in schools and on the playground.  Well let me tell you – they are in the church as well.  

One pastor wrote: “I am currently encountering a bully church member.  He wants me fired.  I didn’t see it coming.”  And let me add from my own experience of these bullies, they often will tell you to your face – “I love you pastor, but …” 

Thom Rainer [https://thomrainer.com/] has written about bully church members … focusing on the damage they do and the problems they create.  The article resonated with many church leaders; but some of those leaders told him the article was too little too late. The damage was done.

So Rainer wrote another article providing the early warning signs so pastors aren’t blindsided.  Here are his eight warning signs:

1.    They are among the first in the church to tell you how much they love you.  And they will continue to love you as long as you do everything exactly the way they want it done every single day.

2.    They have strong personalities.  They tend to be boisterous.  They speak up frequently in meetings.  They can be loud.  They like to dominate conversations.

3.    They are highly opinionated.  And if you ever disagree with them, you become their next target.

4.    They are terrible listeners.  They want you to listen to them; they don’t want to listen to you.

5.    They build unhealthy alliances.  The bully in one church built an alliance with two weak staff members.  The three of them spoke in secret to the personnel committee about the pastor.  The pastor was fired without even being asked his side of the story.  Watch carefully those the bully befriends.

6.    They murmur and gossip.  Most of their words are negative.  They are the anti-Barnabas.

7.    They do most of their toxic work in darkness.  They let other people become the fall persons for their nefarious deeds.  They meet with them behind closed doors and then slither away.

8.    They have been to several churches.  Bullies tend to move around.  They do their damage at one church and then leave.  They are sometimes asked to leave.

Do all churches have bullies?  Of course, not; but many churches do have bullies.  Be careful when you encounter them.  Be very careful.  Their intentions are less than Godly; they are evil.

Rev. Dr. Kenneth L. Beale, Jr.

Chaplain (Colonel-Ret), U.S. Army

Pastor, Ft. Snelling Memorial Chapel